The 4 P's

I was holding my breath, waiting for a reply.  What did they think?  Did they like the changes we made to their website design?  After what felt like an hour (which was really just seconds), Mary spoke up for the team and stated that they loved all of the changes and just wanted the font to be slightly bigger at the top.  Relief flooded my entire body.  The validation and approval of the work felt like warm golden sunshine radiating on my skin - renewing the pale, fearful exhaustion I felt before the call after working on this redesign ALL WEEKEND LONG.  I pushed myself to make it "perfect"... doing more revisions than probably necessary to get to something I had hoped that the client would love.  I had canceled my plans on Sunday and even stayed up late both nights (again).

Self-Sabotage in Beliefs

For decades there were 4 beliefs that created a personal struggle for me in my pursuit of balance between serving others and taking care of myself... perfecting, pleasing, proving, and producing (or the 4 P's as I began to refer to them as).  These behaviors were my set of go-to responses to everything and everyone around me.  This infinite trap in the impossible did not allow for self-care or self-compassion... it was truly self-sabotage, but I didn't know it.

Creating Boundaries & Letting Go

Part of my healing needed to focus on redefining how I assign my self-worth. I truly believe I relied on these 4 P's to keep myself safe and they probably served me for a time.  However, I am learning to let go of some old beliefs and habits which shaped them, especially those related to productivity and perfecting, because they prey on my time constantly. During a healing journey, time is an extremely valuable resource.

Letting go requires building new habits and sometimes setting some new boundaries that will help you with the letting go.  Some examples of my works in progress include:

1. Accepting Good Enough.  What I have worked on is enough.  What I am doing is enough.  What I have given is enough.  Learning to call something "good enough" requires writing those very words in my planner and seeing that every day when I look at my task list.  It requires self-compassion by putting my hand on my heart and stating out loud "I am enough."
2. Setting ME as a Priority.  In my past I would not have looked at rest or taking care of me as something to call "productive".  Today I know that listening to, and honoring, what my body needs serve my healing.  And healing is my top priority.
3. Saying No.  No explanation required!  Well, this one is definitely a work in progress for me!  I know that I have to preserve time and energy for my priorities and that means that I cannot take on everyone else's priorities or meet everyone else's needs.  One of the odd blessings in Covid was that it was more acceptable to say no to engagements in person which more easily gave me time back to focus on what I needed to heal (and practice setting some boundaries).

What have you been holding on to for too long?  Is it serving you or your healing?  

Hand on Heart