Not My Problem

As a parent, a partner, a colleague, etc... sometimes the stance of "not my problem" is appropriate. Allowing others to solve the problem themselves (and not jump into fix-it mode) can be empowering and an important growth opportunity. However when "not my problem" is used to avoid personal accountability or to place all the burden or blame on others, there are natural ripple effects - hurt feelings, resentment, frustration, anger, or distrust are just a few examples.  

As I am learning to love myself forward... that extends to my relationship with myself (the things I say or think about me) and my relationship with others (my actions and reactions).

Resentment, Anger, and Assumptions

Intentional living is a balance of figuring out what things to let go of and which things would benefit from some follow-up and attention.  For example, when I am looking to cut up a cucumber for my salad and find a squishy, gross cucumber that is no longer edible - do I passively aggressively say things like "oh! someone was saving this for me to take care of, I guess it's my job" because I feel it is the hundredth time this has happened... or do I assume that no one else had been in this drawer this week and they simply missed 'the growth' on it like I did until now? Do we feel that others are doing things TO us or placing responsibility with us when that may not be the case?  Are we blaming others for things that we do not even know as truth or facts?

Our brains are busy all day long.  We are each focused on what is buzzing in our minds and sometimes that means we miss outward things like a part of that pepper that should have been thrown out over a week ago.  I am looking for those small slices of life in which I can pause and recognize that maybe the resentment or blame I am instantly placing on another person is the same as me saying "not my problem".   

Getting Curious

What if I instead choose to believe that no one else had ill intentions or was placing that responsibility on me?  What if when I feel this way, I choose to communicate with those around me and say things like "I feel frustrated when I find expired food in the refrigerator as I feel like I am the only one taking care of managing that space.  Have you also felt this way?"

Be curious and ask.  Explore solutions together.